Who are you, L?
by LetsJustThinkforaWhile
Summary: Special. Orphan. Murderer. Happy. Alone. Friendly. Antisocial. Calm. Intelligent. This is everything that I was described by throughout his childhood. What people called me. This is my story, my turn.  Review/Rate
1. A New Addition and Subtraction

"What?" Owen Lawliet's eyes widened as his wife greeted him with a message as he came into the house through the front door. He hoped he hadn't misheard. "Victoria, what did you say?"

Victoria laughed once more, and held Owen's shoulders, with a wide grin on her face. "Owen…I'm pregnant! I'm pregnant!"

Tears in his eyes, Owen picked up his wife in a sweep of his arms and kissed her. "I…I can't believe it! We're going to have a child…we're going to be parents…"

Victoria kissed him back. "In a matter of time, dear."

Victoria and Owen Lawliet lived in a small town in Hampshire. After starting their lives together as a married couple, Victoria quit her job as a librarian, and Owen continued his job as a lawyer. They were a very happy and pleasant couple.

Until their son was born several months later.

.:.:.:.

Owen cursed under his breath as he speeded in the highway. He shouldn't have gone to work today. What kind of husband was he, going to the office, on the day Victoria was having their child? How could he have NOT known?

He was only a mile away from the hospital. Only a mile. Only-

**BEEP** **BEEP BEEEEEEEEP**

Owen swerved the steering wheel to evade a car, who was going too slow. He groaned. "Ahh! Watch where you're going!" He yelled as the car drove away.

A few minutes later, he went up the elevator in the hospital, heading to the second floor where the delivery room was.

After bursting open the doors of the room, the first thing he saw was a little baby boy, cradled in the arms of one of the nurses.

The second thing he saw was Victoria, still and pale, black hair strewn messily around her face so that it covered her eyes and nose. Her mouth was agape open, as if she was asleep.

A doctor hurried to Owen, and placed a hand on his shoulder, apologetically.

But before he could say anything to the distraught father, Owen collapsed on the tile floor, sobbing.


	2. Much Better

Owen holds the little baby in his arms, staring at him with contempt. A mix of emotions flies in and out of his mind. Anger. Misery. Not happiness. The doctor sadly announced that this boy will not live very long, since his condition is too fragile. The little boy has already opened his eyes, to his surprise, revealing eyes as black as his wife's. He has Owen's face and has Victoria's nose.

He turns to the right, facing the nurse next to him. "Did…did my wife give him a name?"

Nurse Karla sighs and shakes her head. "She was about to say it, but then-"

"Yes, yes I see" Owen interrupts, impatient. "But what was she going to say?"

She rubs her head. "She said a name, starting with an "elle" but then she collapsed. Possibly she was saying Elliot, Ellison, or something."

Owen studies the infant. "I'm going to name him L. The letter. Right now, he is my life, and L is the letter that 'life' starts with. Even though his lifespan won't be as long as I want it."

.:.:.:.

I'm alive. I actually escaped them…

I stare into the mirror in the day care bathroom. My father, Owen (he allows me to call him that) says that my face is like Victoria's, along with eyes as dark as hers. Spiky, unruly hair covers almost half my face.

To be basic, my name is L. L Lawliet. I am four. When I was in preschool, the teachers saw me rewriting "The Raven" poem by Edgar Allen Poe on my coloring book, so I was moved up. I didn't get it. I like the poem, what kind of punishment was that?

The kids at kindergarten make fun of me for having a girl's name, thinking it's "Elle", not the letter. They just don't understand. That's what I tell myself everyday when I stand before the large doors of the school every morning.

I am also unhealthy. That's what the doctors say. Underweight, almost anorexic, and I almost never sleep.

Sadness flows through my veins, but my reflection doesn't show it. I grimace as I hear those voices again.

"Hey, where's that wimp?" The voices of the kindergarteners appear again outside the door.

A boy named Billy laugh. "Hiding in the bathroom, I think." He opens the door and he sees me.

I start whimpering. "Leave me alone."

Billy smirks. "No." He reaches for me and grabs for my face, and I do something I shouldn't have.

I kick him as hard as I could in the stomach.

Billy screams as he doubles over in pain, trying to breathe. "Ow! Oww!" Tears appear on his eyes. "I'm telling my mom!" He runs away and his thugs follow him, giving me afraid looks.

As soon as they disappear, I sigh. He is truly disgusting. I reach into my pocket and take out a piece of custard cake, and I bite into it.

Much better.


	3. Benjamin Green

It's been one year. I am 5 years old, and I'm an orphan already.

My Aunt Lily scowls at me from the dining room. "Why me? My sister died giving birth to this…_boy_. What about Owen's family?" She adds another coat of lipstick, annoyed, as the lawyer clears his throat. I crane my neck and I see his name on the briefcase. Benjamin Green.

_Boy._ That's the name she called me by all the time. Not L, not darling, nothing. To me, I'm not her nephew, or her adopted child. I'm just _boy _to her. That's a name you can call to a small male child in the playground you have never seen before in your life. To her, that's what I am. A random_ boy_ she has never seen before.

I decide that I do not like this woman.

"As you may know, Owen Lawliet dropped all connections with his family after marrying Mrs. Victoria Lawliet. Her parents have died. Therefore, you are the only one who is left." Benjamin Green gives Aunt Lily a concerned look, as if thinking, _"Poor kid…to now be raised by this woman."_

Thankfully, she was busy looking at the mirror to notice this facial expression. "And what kind of name is _L_? A _ridiculous_ name, if you ask me."

I like this man. He seems like a very serious man with no sense, but he is so ..inspiring to me.

I eat a strawberry from my dish as I stare into space from the carpet. One day, I want to be like him. Saving and changing the world bit by bit with justice, proving what's right and wrong. Lawyer L Lawliet. I like the sound of that. "Aunt Lily?" I ask in my monotonous voice. "I want more strawberries."

Aunt Lily groans. She snaps at Benjamin Green. "You see what I mean? I agree to take this boy into my very _home,_ my private area, and he asks for a _strawberry_! That ungrateful child! I bet he hasn't even loved anyone! Not even his parents!" Without a warning, she storms into the kitchen.

Benjamin Green looks at me apologetically. "I have heard so much about you. L Lawliet, am I correct? I hear you are very intelligent, young man." He smiles, and all of his seriousness disappears.

I nod. No one has ever approached me like this.

"L. That's a very special name you have got there." Benjamin tousles my hair, making it messier than it was. "You're lucky to have a letter name. L. It stands for so many wonderful words."

Like what? I wonder. But I just blink with curiosity.

"It stands for life, learning, light, and…." Benjamin Green pauses. "Love. It also stands for love. Tell me, have you ever loved?"

I don't say anything. I just stare into his gray eyes.

"I have loved. I loved a woman named Amber Pearson. But she left law school…" Benjamin Green sighs. Then he makes a small grin. "Hey, I know you're listening. So will you make a small favor to me?"

I nod.

"If you meet a woman with that name, Amber Pearson, tell her I love her, would you?"

I nod once more.

Benjamin checks his watch gives me a piece of candy from his pocket. "Hey, son, I have to go now. But take this, okay? Your aunt should be okay with this adoption, alright?"

_Son. He called me son. _I reach out a pale hand and held the candy in my palm.

Benjamin Green heads to the door. "Good bye, L Lawliet. Good luck."

I smile. "Thank you."

I promise. I will find a woman named Amber Pearson, and I will tell her you love her. I clutch the candy in my hand.

Aunt Lily comes back with a bottle of aspirin in her hand. "Did he leave already? Goodness…" Ignoring me, she walks upstairs to her bedroom.

Her footsteps make thumps against the steps. _Thump thump thump._

They seem to be asking. "Do you love?"

I do love.

I love Victoria Lawliet, for bringing me into this world, although it costed her life.

I love Owen Lawliet, for raising me like a normal boy, and calling me his life and light.

I love Benjamin Green, my inspiration.


	4. Unexpected Meeting

Aunt Lily is sleeping. This is my chance.

I peer into her dark bedroom. Amid the clothes on the floor, there was Aunt Lily, sleeping on her bed. I suppose it's her naptime right now…

I pop a piece of Belgium chocolate in my mouth and head out the door into the setting sun. No, I was not trying to run away. If I did, I would have shoes on. Derbyshire is beautiful, with roofs pointing to the sun and people walking around, unaware that a small and strange little boy is walking out of his house, unattended. Even if they did notice, they wouldn't be concerned. Who would?

I sit down in the alleyway, resting. I didn't want to be in the way of other people around me.

After some peace and harmony, I hear a noise.

_Rustle rustle_

I stand up immediately, prepared to defend myself with my Capoeira Moves. I taught myself those from a book I read in a library.

_Rustle_

_ He who attacks first always wins._ Owen's words to the wise appears in my mind.

I head to the place where the noise came from, and kicked the pile of cardboard.

"Hey! Hey, watch it!" A small boy about my age pops his head up from a pile of unfolded cardboard boxes. "This is _my_ place, not yours!"

"I-I apologize." I was surprised, my eyes were wide. I walked backwards."I will just leave."

The boy I encountered had black hair like mine. It wasn't as spiky, but it was similar. It almost reached his eyes, but it wasn't quite there yet. I wasn't close enough to see his eyes.

"No, _don't_." The boy didn't leave his place, and kept his distance. "I want to get to know you more."

I am puzzled. "But I don't know you. How do I know I can trust you?" This boy is cunning, but that's how I see everyone around me these days, however.

The boy smirks. "Well I trust_ you_. Good enough?"

I am very frustrated. "_No_, that is _not _good enough." My voice is raised. I barely raise my voice, because there is no reason to. However, since I'm losing to this kid, what else could I do?

He sighs. "Well what's your name?"

I pause. "L."

"The letter, or 'Elle'?"

I am surprised. No one has _ever_ asked me if it was the letter. They always have assumed it was 'Elle'. "The letter."

He smiles. "That's a strange name, but not as strange as mine!"

"What is it?" I ask, placing my thumb on my bottom lip in thought.

The boy climbs out of his cardboard kingdom, and comes closer to me. We are the same height, but I feel slightly ...taller than him. As if I was more superior. He smiles, and licks a red substance off his ring finger. Jam?

His red eyes shine in the light of the setting sun. "My name is Beyond Birthday, nice to meet you."


	5. Beyond's Secret

Beyond Birthday and I became rather compatible friends. He never tells me about his family, although I wonder what they are like. Everyday while my Aunt Lily take naps, I sneak out with a chocolate bar and jar of strawberry jam for Beyond. Apparently, he never has them at his house.

It is summer, and it is hot out. I don't mind the heat, so I always where my usual oversized white long sleeved teeshirt and jeans. I get funny looks at my direction for this.

"Thanks, L." Beyond smiles as I give him the jam. He opens it with his teeth.

"Your teeth are going to be loose. Be careful." I warn him. Beyond just gives me a smirk.

We are in the same alleyway, in the same cardboard pile, in the same street.

"Don't worry about my teeth." he laughs, his red eyes twinkling. I've never shown it, but I am frightened of those eyes. Those red eyes, usually symbolizing evil. Beyond stops laughing. He stares at the space above my head. "L, are you ..unhealthy?"

I was bewildered, and slightly insulted. "I am not unhealthy." I lie. "Is there a reason why you're asking me that?"

Beyond shakes his head. "L, will you keep a secret for me?"

I pause. Could I? Of course I can. "Of course."

Beyond looks around him, wary of anyone who may be listening to our conversation. "I have weird eyes." he says. "I-I see things."

I cock my head to the side. "Exactly what kind of things?"

"Whenever I see someone, I can see their name and lifespan floating above my head." Beyond whispers, licking the jam. "I-I can see yours..."

A horrible feeling in my stomach appears. "If you could see my name, why didn't you say so in the beginning?" I ask.

"I didn't want to scare you." Beyond blinked back tears. "I wanted you to be my friend."

"Well..how long am I going to live?" I ask, curious.

Beyond gives me a long stare. "I'm going to tell you the truth. You have...20 years left. That's why I asked you if you were unhealthy."

I stare back. Only twenty years? What's going to happen to me? Am I going to die from a disease? Am I going to get hit by some vehicle?

Am I going to be murdered?

"Relax" Beyond says, staring into his jar. "It's possible you can extend the time, I believe." He makes a small grin.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask, slightly nervous.

"Oh, nothing."

I hear a familiar scream coming from the streets. I turn around, wondering who it was. People are whispering and wailing.

"Horrible!"

"What happened?"

"Call an ambulance!"

Without hesitation, I run to where the commotion was located. There, on the ground, was Aunt Lily, gasping for breath, clutching her heart. She looks at me and Beyond with fear. Raising an index finger to point at him, she fails.

This is the death of my last family member. I am now alone, once again.


	6. Enter Jamie

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! This is the biggest rate I've gotten! Thanks again :)**

"Hey, Margaret, did you hear about the new boy?"

"I have! I have!"

"I hear he's really weird. Isn't he seven?"

"He scares me, Kevin!"

"I think he's a superhero!"

I turn around, slightly amused by the chattering group of kids in the next table. It is obvious they're talking about me, but it's not within my concern.

After Aunt Lily died, some adults took me to an orphanage in London called "Pauline's Home". No one has met the Pauline woman, but everyone has seen her stick-like and strict portraits in the hall.

Beyond and I haven't spoken in a while, but strangely enough, he ran away right after Aunt Lily died, and I haven't talked to him since.

"Hey, you!" A red-head boy with freckles appears at my table, green eyes wide with curiosity. "I'm Louis, what's your name?"

I blink. "L."

He laughs. "Isn't that a girl's name? You don't look like a girl to me."

"I concur."

Louis takes in my antisocial behavior as if he was eating sweets. "I heard that you only eat desserts, is that true?"

"That is."

"Do you get fat?"

"I doubt that."

"I heard you murdered your parents and aunt! How did you do it?" Louis asks. His eyes are shining with eagerness to ask more.

I pause. Who came with such an absurd idea like that? And why? Images of Owen, Victoria, and Aunt Lily pass through my mind. "That's none of your concern." I refer to him with his last name.

Louis falls back. "He murdered his family!" he runs away to his pack, scared.

Nice job, L. Now it is time to brace yourself.

"Murderer!"

"Evil!"

A girl with blonde hair pushes Louis. "Stop it! He didn't even say that he murdered his parents! So be quiet!"

Louis begins to cry. "Be quiet, Jamie! He's a murderer! I saw it in his eyes!"

Eyes. Those red eyes appear again in my head. Beyond. Beyond Birthday and his strange secret I haven't spilled to anyone.

The girl named Jamie scowls at him. "Leave!"

All of the kids back away from Jamie and I.

Jamie's face expression changes, and she holds out her hand. "Let's pretend this never happened!" she smiles and giggles. "I'm Jamie Smith. What's yours?"

I refrain from telling my last name. "L." I mutter. This girl is nice, but very hyperactive...

"Don't listen to them. They're just kidding." Jamie laughs. "Dinner should be ready in the dining room. Let's go!" she holds my hand and we go to the dining hall. I am shocked...

.:.:.:.

I am surprised when I learn that Jamie's parents have died of a shooting in a bank in London. She seemed so happy…so alive.

Jamie grins as she sees my arithmetic notebook on my lunch table. "Algebra, already? Wow, you really are smart!"

"Yes, I suppose." This girl can be annoying, but she is very kind.

She turns to face me. "Are you going to stay here for a while?"

I freeze, confused. Of course I was. "I guess so."

Jamie nods. "You should be in a better orphanage than here." She says, serious for the first time. "You deserve a better future." She mutters.

No one around my age has told me this. "Do you really think so?" I ask, slightly indifferent.

"Of course, why wouldn't I think so?"

The bedtime bell rings. She looks up. "It's 9:30. I should be leaving now. Nice meeting you, L!" Jamie runs out of the door, and I listen to her frantic footsteps disappear down the hall.

I stare at my untouched fruit bowl in my bedside table, wondering if I should brush my teeth again after eating fruit. I climb onto my bed, hugging my knees, wondering what tomorrow is going to bring. New friends? Enemies?

Little did I know that tomorrow is going to change my life ...again.


	7. Quillish Wammy

**A/N: I'm sorry for the really short chapter, and that it took me so long. I had a hard week, doing my homework until 11 and getting up at 6 to get to school by 7 TT^TT **

**Thank you for the reviews! Keep them going :D**

"Wait, what's his name, again?" A girl named Sarah asks trying to catch up with her friends.

"Wammy." A teacher answers. "Mr. Wammy, that's how you are going to address him, understand?"

I've heard of Quillish Wammy before. A successful inventor, very wealthy. He was coming to visit us this afternoon, and talk about his inventions. "I'm not going to come." I murmur. I don't have interests in inventors.

Jamie frowns. "But, L! I heard he's really inspiring. You should go!" She takes a strawberry from my bowl and pops it in her mouth.

Slightly annoyed, I ignore her. "I'm not going. I have better things to do." Without a warning, I get out of my chair and walk back to my room.

A few hours later, I heard nothing more. No footsteps in the hallway, no talking or whispering. He must have arrived. I look up from my book, suddenly interested. Would it be too late to show up?

.:.:.:.

Mr. Wammy is an old man, but he has a face of a happy yet serious person. He looks up and sees me, a messy looking boy, hunched over. He pauses during his speech and smiles. "Please join us."

The other kids turn around and stare at me. Some are smirking, some are serious. Jamie smiles, proud that I decided to join the circle.

I sit down next to the door, far from anyone else, and listen to him speak.

I am surprised to learn how Mr. Wammy's life is so similar to mine. He wanted to become a detective or a lawyer, just like me. He was determined, just like me.

Suddenly, Mr. Wammy is my new inspiration.

.:.:.:.

A housemaid appears at my door. "L? Mr. Wammy would like to speak with you."

Without a word, I stand up from my bed and pass her as if she isn't here. Mr. Wammy wants to speak with me? But why?

I walk down the long halls, go downstairs, and into the office. The owner of the orphanage sits on her desk, and Mr. Wammy is there, with his briefcase.

She smiles, and motions me to sit down on the chair. "L, I have wonderful news!"

I nod.

"Mr. Wammy would like to adopt you!" She grins. "Of course, we haven't filled out the forms yet, but we would like to see if that is okay with you."

I look up with astonishment. I did not dare ask "why me?" That is a fool's question. He chose me, and just me.

"It's alright with me."


	8. Introvert

**_Peculiar. It is a certainly accurate word to describe this boy._**

"L?" a voice enters the nearly-empty room.

"I'm here, Jamie." My head turns to face the tall girl. For the first time I notice that she has a birthmark in the shape of a triangle above her right eye.

Surrounding us are a few suitcases.

Her eyes focus on the smallest one. It is almost as if she is trying to make it disappear before our young and innocent eyes. "You're leaving?"

"Yes."

Jamie's eyes bubble with tears and her bottom lip softly moves with trepidation. "But...I don't want you to leave."

"I know. But you said I deserve a better future, right?" I flick a small piece of lint off of my shoulder.

_**I have seen his anger, his firm outer shell. But inside is a boy who is small and afraid.**_

It's funny how people come and go. But this is freedom. Life is merely a slideshow in which people are the slides. When the time comes, the new ones shove away the older ones.

My hands twitch. Is Mr. Wammy merely a slide ready to be removed from the projector?

Jamie's eyes are now flooded with tears. "Yes, but-"

"Then it's settled, then. I'll be leaving now." I turn to the side to press the button that summons the housekeepers. They will be helping me carry the luggage.

She grabs my arm. "No, L!"

Instant images of the bullies pile into my head. Their ugly, smirking visages, excited to pummel me into the wall. They grabbed my arm to harm me...what is Jamie doing, then?

As if on instinct, I gently push Jamie away. "No." I murmur calmly. "Go."

_**He is an introvert, one who does not reveal him or herself.**_

"But I love you L!"

_L stands for love, said Benjamin Green. _Of course L remembers.

Is this love? No. Impossible. How could this daunting, negative feeling in my stomach be love?

"I don't."

_**This is the boy, the first one I loved.**_

Her grip on my arms loosens and she watches the housekeepers enter the room to pick up the suitcases. Jamie's eyes don't leave me until I step out of the room, leaving her alone in the dim room where the orange sunlight illuminates her back.

_**His name shall not be written. But it shall be known; he is loneliness himself. A vagabond, wayward in his lonely life.**_

_**-written by Jamie Rhea Smith, 12 years later**_


End file.
